Welcome to the Oraficial
"Dangerous Dave the DJ" Web Site
Freedom is easier to keep than it is to get.
I am Dangerous Dave. Yeah, I know I don't look so dangerous.
So, go ahead, click me in the face!!!
Warning:
This page contains several insults to your sensibilities. At least three outright lies. References to Shmoo!! And some sexy ass!!! (it aint' the pic in the middle)
Proceed with Caution!! Reader Beware!! Continue at your own Risk!!
Seriously folks, this page is for Mature Adults. If you're not both then you should...
CLICK (THE HECK OUTTA) HERE!!!.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me tell you a little bit about myself...
I came down from Killington, VT seven years go. They told me I was to good for the itty bitty tittie clubs in Vermont. So I split. But I'm already getting ahead of myself. Thinkin' faster'n I can talk again!
I started my career as a DJ at Planet Rock (a nice little strip joint to check out if you ever go through central Vermont).
They told me I should go south. To where the real strip clubs were. I went as far south as Providence RI.
I've worked The Foxy Lady, The Kings Inn The Sportsmans' Inn, The Cadillac Lounge & Club Desire . Now you'll find me exclusivly no where. I've quit the biz and now only record for a living
361 Charles Street, Providence RI
But if you like all nude babes 'til 2 in the morning you shoulda the girls and me!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This page is for strip club DJs. Everybody else will find it boring. Yeah right!!!
I had one of the best jobs imaginable. I am surrounded by beautiful dancing girls eight hours a day. Good work if you can get it.
Seriously, there are only five clubs in a Providence. The average is Four DJs per club.
4x 5=20...
To say the least, I am one of an elite few.
Make no mistake...I am an Ace.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now I can't tell you about voice inflection, timing, tone, timbre etc. with mere words but I will share 95% of my shtick with you. "What about the other 5%?", you may ask. I'd tell you but I make it up faster than I can update this page.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll have more later about how to run a bachelor party, dance contests, pie and banana eating contests, balloon blowing and ball sucking contests in the future but for now I'll donate a cool list of one liners for you to use. I can't say I made them up all by my self.
(I'll never proclaim to be that ingenious)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I need to thank Joe Tattulie, Artie (the one man party), the Fridge, Tommy Tunes and a host of others who I so blatantly ripped off.
Be that as it may, I deliver the goods as good or better than anyone else...check this!!!.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's a list of stuff cool one liners for strip club DJs
Let's talk Tips...
-Make it stiff and stick it in!
-Let's not show the ladies how cheap we really are!
-Put some/the green on the scene!
-Put some/the money on the honey!
-Put a fin on the skin!
-You just slide it in,under the G.
-Decorate the garter/G-string with greenbacks!
-The bigger the bill...the bigger the thrill!
-Tuck those bucks and slip those fins!
-Stuff those garters and pack those panties!
-What the fuck? It's just a buck!
-They get no paycheck unless they get your paycheck!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Barmaid, The Waitress & Rub Girl
-That's Chrissy behind the bar!
-Waitress' on duty are1
-Don't forget you rub girl. She will give yu a back rub the right way!
-I know I talk an afull lot about tippinn' but when I'm talkin' tippin',
I'm talking about takin'care of your bartenders and waitresses. They're working hard for you to!
-When you get a beverage be sure to take care of your bartender!
-Don't for get to take care of you bar tenders and waitresses. They are making sure you don't die of thirst!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friction Dances...
-He who hesitates masterbates!
-Gentlemen wake up and smell the perfume!
-You can't say no to the dream team!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Credit Cards (3 times per hour)...
-Who wants a friction dance without taking any money outta your pocket? Well bust out your credit card!
-No fundage...no fun! No money ...no problem! Bust out your credi card!
-If you got plastic in your pocket you got a party in your pocket!
-If your running low on cash or if you just want to keep the cash in the stash then put it all on your credit card! DonÕt worry about it for 30 days!
-Never ever will you read the words Cadillac Lounge on your credit card statement. All bills will be posted to RS Classic Cars...whatever that is!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Photos...
-Who here would like to take one of entertainers home with them?.......Well now you can take 'em home with you and I'm here to tell you how! Take any one of these love ladies home with youuuu...in the form of a polaroid photograph!
-That photo is black mail for life!
-That photo is worth $500 per week!
-It would look good on his girlfriends/wives/fiancés kitchen table! Maybe on the nightstand!
-It would make a nice centerpiece at the reception!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
General Wise Remarks...
Somebody scream!
Time to party with the debutants of decadance!
The party is on and the cloths are coming off !
The fun has just begun !
It's non-stop 'til 2 o'clock!
We are going stopless, topless and bottomless 'til 2 a.m.
You can't keep your eyes off of it!
The ever lasting rock and roll/dance party continues!
Round and round and round they go...Where they stop nobody knows except maybe God and he aint talking!
U.S. prime, grade A, stamped, guaranteed and they/she are/is turning on the heat!
That right there is Angel and she's got her booty on duty just for you !
If she was a girl scout would you eat her cookie ?!
S She can make your dick so hard a cat could't scratch it!
She'll get you hard as an 8 penny nail!
Get you hard as a hammer!
When shes done with you, you'll be able drive that nail in withe one stroke!
She's got the skills to give you the thrills. Gaurenteed to rub you the right way!
You'll get elaphantitus of the nuts!
It'll make your dick so hard you won't be able to roll over for a week1
That'll put the spring in your socks and you cocks for that matter...!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Garnteed to...
...Give you hardons you never knew you could get in all shapes and sizes in places you never knew you could get them!
...Put the joy in your joy stick!
...Get you hard as a rock!
...Put a rocket in your pocket!
...Blaze the stage!
If you feel irresistably drawn to the stage it's cos sunny's a she's like a penis magnet. Gauanteed to magagnitize your penis! Right to her!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get 'em naked...
The more she hears the less she wears!
Pop that top!
Set those puppies free!
Take it off!
Shed those threads!
Quit your grinnin' and drop the linen!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Selling the dance...
Fulfill your urge to surge, satisfy your addiction to friction, 'cos you're at the erection connection.
She will lap dance you mind erased. You won't know your own name or your way home when ______ is done with you.
You can't say no to the dream team!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Specials/Nightly Promos...
Sunday-Amateur Night. $500 in cash prizes
Monday and Tuesday-Local Appreciation night. All from Providence get in for free with Proper ID
Wednesday-Wednesday night Birthday Bash. If your birthday falls during that week then you get in for free.
Patriots Fans bring in your tickets the day of the game and recieve complimentary admission.
All members of our armed forces, police and fire departments get in free of charge.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Applause please...
Make some noise for...
Give it up for...
How about a round of applause for...
Let's hear it for...
Let's raise little hell for...
How do you like...
What do you think about...
If you aint clappin' you must be jackin'...
Clap your hands gentlemen. What the heck...it's free!
It's better to clap then to have it!
I want to hear you rock the applause meter!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last minute advice...
If you go home with money in yout pocket you didn't have enough fun!
Do not leave this place without experiencing a friction dance! It's like going to the beach without bikinis. It's like a TV dinner with no TV. It's like hammering when you could be screwing. Gentlemen it just aint' right. Get your self some friction.
If you want to get a lap dance from the day time/night time girls you better hurry up and do it. You are quickly running out of time.
If you go home without a friction dance you may end up going home and sexing your wife again and wouldn't that be wierd!!!
Time to make those last minute first impressions. Remember your bartenders and your waitress's and ALL your favorite entertainers.
What is a friction dance? Guys there are no words in the English language to adequately describe a friction dance so get up close and personal. Get ass-frictiated!
If you go home with money in your pocket your wife will just take it away from you anyway so you might as well spend it on somnething stoopid!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step up to the main....
Plenty of seats at the main stage. Time to put away the binoculars/telescopes and break out the magnifying glass!
I do recommend stage side seating.
The closer you get...the better she looks.
If your not at the stage you're to far away. Pull it up to the bumper with a fist full of big ones and pack the panties with U.S. currentcy.
Still a couple seats stage side, guys. Get the best seats in the house...well actually the girls have the best seats in the house but any way sit down at the main stage!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
So you're getting married... BACHELOR PARTY!!!
Getting a little excited over there? Freds wood has just entered the building!
Tell me do you remember your first blow job? How did it taste!
Hey man, what's that thing in your pants...looks like a hardon...ONLY SMALLER!!!
DJ: I heard ________'s fiance is sooooo dumb...
Audeince: How dumb was she?
DJ: I heard she's so dumb, if you put her brain on the edge of a razor blade it would look like a pea rolling down a four lane highway!
I shouldn't pick on the fiance though. She's around here somewhere. You know how I know? I saw her broom parked out front.
No, I'm just kidding. She's a modern woman...she rides a vacume cleaner!
Hey, has your girl been to the zoo latley? I mean as a customer?
So why are you doing it? Is she rich? Is she pregnant? Are you pregnant?!
So what is her name?
How many guys here tonight know what's her name? How many of you guys know what's her name real good! Hey, dude, here's some advice...WEAR ONE OF THEM TRIPLE THICK CONDOMS TO YOUR HONEYMOON !
If that guy can get laid there's still a chance for us!
Hey dude, I got what's her name on the phone. She says you have to trade in the Camero for a Station Wagon. She wants you to pick up a bottle of formula on the way home.
She wants you home by 8:30...for the rest of your life.
Oh and your mother in law is coming up for the weekend!
Hey man, how does it feel to be a virgin! It's amazing what some guys will do to get laid!
------------------------------------
Thank's for stopping by.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
© world records multi-media,2002
